I’m a celebrity get me in here

I saw in the papers that some ‘celebrity’ bloke from the TV has been volunteering at a vaccination centre. What a saint! I rushed down to the Civic Centre in case I was missing something. Alas there was no camera crew or wall of paparazzi by the gate so I guessed that there was nobody of importance there.

But there might have been. I went to have a closer look. In the icy wind of Tuesday all the volunteers had barely one eye exposed which they alternated to prevent it becoming colder than the Pfizer vaccine.

I peered into the eye and asked ‘are you a celebrity’. My reception was rather chilly to say the least with language which even muffled by thick layers of wool was still intelligible and heated the social distance.

I slid from one volunteer to the next but was staggered by the reception. I quickly left feeling not wanted, no celebs for me here as far as I could ascertain so I beat a retreat. Don’t want to be hanging around here in the icy wind and snow for three hours with these ordinary marshals, so off to Debenhams for me.

Alas no camera crew here either. Once again peering our from their mountains of wool, one-eyed ordinary people; how disappointing. Do we need a better class of marshal I ask myself. How do we expect the public to be encouraged to have their vaccine.

Inside was a bit warmer. No moving mountains of wool but still I couldn’t identify anyone because they were all hiding behind their facemasks. Sorry volunteers, but you all look the same to me. There must be some very eagle eyed journalists out there to be able to spot the celebrities turning up. I am worried about the competition though. All our clients could be attracted to a far better class of centre.

There must be so many celebs who are deprived of attention right now to recruit a whole centre from. A few TV doctors to do the jabs, cops questioning for consent, nurses from Holby and some proper big name celebs to marshal. We could have the odd TV pathologist hovering over the vaccinators just for fun! Matt Hancock would be delighted. The national vaccination figures would shoot up.

The problem is how to get the camera crews to come. Do you think some celeb might leak their altruism to the press. God forbid. Having to wear a facemask for these people must be like lockdown for the rest of us.

What a shame that the very unique spirit of a vaccination centre made of the generosity of spirit of volunteers and the relief felt by those being vaccinated is now to be destroyed by lonely celebrities seeking to feed their starved egos.

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